The definition that includes fervor can perhaps be an element of sex sometimes, but if you really look at that definition, you’ll see that none of it is about a mutuality. Mutual fervor, intensity or force in the interest of shared pleasure or connection is not in dischord, is not an abuse, is not an injury or violation.If it helps, I can absolutely assure you that on the receptive end of things, when a person physically, emotionally and intellectually wants some part of their body entered, someone else’s body in their own in some way, when they are turned on dildos, when they are attracted to and like or love who they are with (and sometimes even when they’re not!), so long as they don’t have any kind of condition that makes entry painful, and no one gets injured in any way, it does not feel like being stabbed, cut open, punched or any of those traumatic things. It also does not feel like being abused or sexually assaulted (though if you have a partner who has rape or abuse history, PTSD or body memories can sometimes influence that experience).

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